Advice

YOU ASKED IT: WEEK 2

I have this group of friends, and we take great pictures and stuff but we all kind of hate each other. I mean not really, but I’ve heard everyone do some hefty trash talking. Am I rebelling against the female gender if I don’t want to be a part of this any more?

That is honestly a great question. Because that is probably the definition of women, you know? Like Girls. Are. NASTY. We are nasty women, in every which way. You’re never going to find a squad of true friends who love everything about each other. However of course there are extremes to this definition of the gender. If everyone is trash talking to the point of actual hatred, then this is probably a sign to get out. Signs of this  could be pointing out brands on someone and judging them on that basis (hello, not all of us can afford 1,000 dollar LV bags), or spreading information that they “think” is true (like how *Jane probably hooked up with that dude over the weekend because she’s turned into a hoe).

Some female acceptable “trash talking” might include talking about someone in the squad with another squad member because of concern (“I’m worried about Jane, ever since the breakup she’s been going crazy at parties. Should we say something to her?), or talking about how you could never rock the socks and sandals look that another squad member wore (and maybe didn’t rock?). Bottom line, you’re not crazy. There are boundaries and if you don’t like what is going on, then you have every right to GTFO. Just know the chances of finding a squad of girls that wear rainbows and sing lullabies is slim to none. It’s the estrogen. We’re nasty. But we’re also boss.


I know I’m not fat. But I also know I’m not skinny. I work hard to try and maintain a toned body but the fridge seems to always prevail. This in between is almost worse because I’m so close to being acceptable but I’m not. Any tricks to quickly cut 10 pounds?

First off, there’s no such thing as acceptable. You’re living and breathing so you are freaking acceptable.

Secondly, damn I wish there was a magic word to get a six pack. It takes a lot to reach a point where we’re 100% satisfied with our bodies, and that’s okay- the best we can do is try. All that “happiness and wellbeing outweighs the number on a scale” crap is actually true. Chances are, you are the only one who puts this pressure on yourself and sees these ten pounds. They say the camera adds 10 pounds, and the mirror does too. Keep working hard on toning that hot bod, and maybe try and change the prevailing fridge’s contents. Shoot for apples instead of Lays, and kale instead of iceberg. Sounds easy and also sounds like EVERY person EVER. But that’s because it’s true. What you put in your body makes you happier or sadder, and heavier or lighter. That’s not to say you can’t eat some mozzarella sticks every once in awhile or even some sour spaghetti. #yum #goodliving

Okay, what is the difference between “Lol” and “Hahaha”?!

Wow what a dope question. I wish someone asked me this way sooner. I have created a guide for you because TOO MANY people take reactions the wrong way. Or they don’t take the hint! Clearly everyone is different, but I tend to think my opinion rocks (hence the advice column), so you can live by this–majority of the time it will be read correctly. I recommend sending to your SO too in case it’s new and you want them to know right from the start, that “haha ook.” never means anything is okay.


READING REACTIONS 101:


Haha– I’m done talking to you. Either you did something to piss me off so I’m trying to send a signal (or your joke sucked). Goodbye
Hahaha– that’s funny but I’m not laughing
Lol-I don’t know what else to say to that…usually thrown in during anything awkward.
Lolllll-that’s hilar but I’m not like actually laughing
LOLLLLL– okay just about cracking up
Hahahahahhaha– you’ve made me laugh. Congrats! Genuinely funny. This is a cute laugh, the kind you would respond with when your SO sends you a meme.
HAHHAHAHAHHA– that is really funny!!! give yourself a high five! I’m not afraid to show you my ugly laugh. Probably what you’re responding to your BFF with when she tags you in a meme.
LMFAO/ROTFL/LOLZ/hehehe– you should probably stop talking to this person these are just weird and this makes me uncomfortable.

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